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Saturday, 10 August 2013




What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.

What's the first thing ghosts do when they get in a car?
They boo-kle their seatbelts.

When can't you bury people who live opposite a graveyard?
When they're not dead.

When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.

When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.

Where do Australian ghosts go on holiday?
Lake Eerie.

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.

Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?
At boo-tiques.

Where do ghost trains stop?
At devil crossings.

Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store.

Where do ghosts get an education?
High sghoul.

Where do ghosts go on vacation?
The Eerie canal, the Ghosta Brava, the sea ghost, Lake Eerie, or Mali-Boo.

Where do ghosts live?
In a terror-tory or in dread-sitters.

Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office.

Where do undertakers go in October?
The hearse of the year show.

Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Where does a ghost refuel his porche?
At a ghastly station.

Where does Sitting Bull's ghost live?
In a creepy teepee.

Who did the ghost go with to the Halloween party?
With No-Body.

Who did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.

Who greets you at the door of a haunted house?
A ghost host.

Who protects the shores where spirits live?
The Ghost Guard.

Who represents ghosts in Congress?
The Spooker of the House.

Who speaks at the ghosts' press conference?
The spooksperson.

Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.

Who writes all the books about haunted houses?
Ghostwriters, who else?

Who writes ghosts jokes?
Crypt writers.

Who's the most important member of a ghost's football team?
The ghoulie.

Why are cemeteries in the middle of towns?
Because they're dead centres.

Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?
Because you can see right through them.

Why are ghosts cowards?
Because they've got no guts.

Why are graveyards so noisy?
Because of all the coffin.

Why are so few ghosts arrested?
It's hard to pin anything on them.

Why can't a boy ghost have baby?
Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?
It had a nervous breakdown.

Why did the doctor tell the ghost to go on a diet?
So she could keep her ghoulish figure.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.

Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "THE OTHER SIDE".

Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.

Why did the ghost go to the amusement park?
He wanted to go on a rollerghoster.

Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
To get a Booster shot.

Why did the ghost rush home from school?
To watch an after-ghoul special on TV.

Why did the ghost starch her sheet?
She wanted everyone to be scared stiff.

Why did the ghosts put a fence around the cemetery?
People were dying to get in.

Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
Because demons are a ghosts best friend.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Why don't ghosts go out in the rain?
It dampens their spirits.

Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always a goblin.

Why is the letter G scary?
It turns a host into a ghost.

Why wasn't the ghost popular at parties?
He wasn't much to look at.

Why wasn't the ghost successful?
He didn't believe in himself.


What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.

What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, poodle, and a ghost?
A cocker-poodle-boo.

What do you get when you bite a ghost 
A mouth full of sheet.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

What do you have to take to become a coroner?
A stiff exam.

What do young ghouls write their homework in?
Exorcise books.

What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A Boo-logna sandwich.

What does a ghost go if they want to swim?
The Dead Sea.

What does a ghost put on his cereal in the morning?
Boonanas and Booberries.

What does a little ghost call his mother and father?
His trans-parents.

What fairy tale do all ghosts like best?
Sleeping Boo-ty.

What ghost helped the Little Leaguers win their game?
The team spirit.

What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender said “Sorry sir, we don't serve spirits here.”

What happened when the ghosts went on strike?
A skeleton staff took over.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.

What is a drunkards last drink?
His bier.

What is a ghost favorite article of clothing?

What is a ghost proof cycle?
One with no spooks in it.

What is a ghost's favorite dessert?
Boo-berry pie with I-scream

What is a ghost's favorite bird?
Scare crow.

What is a ghost's favorite party game?

What is a ghost's favourite day of the week?

What is a ghost's favourite desert?
Knickerbocker ghouly.

What is one room a ghost's house doesn't need?
A living room.

What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining.

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest.

What kind of ghost haunts skyscrapers?
High spirits.

What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
Surgical spirits.

What kind of horses do ghost kids like to ride?

What kind of jewels to ghosts wear?

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?

What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos.

What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.

What medicine do ghosts take for colds?
Coffin drops.

What patriotic song do ghosts like best?
America the Boo-tiful.

What rides do ghosts like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster.

What should you say when you meet a ghost?
How do you boo, sir?

What spirit serves food on a plane?
An airline ghostess.

What story do little ghosts like to hear at bedtime?
Ghoul Delocks and the Three Scares.

What time is it when a ghost haunts your house?
Time to move to a new house.

What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.

What trees do ghouls like best?

What type of music do ghosts prefer?
Spirituals, of course.

What vehicle does a kid ghost like to ride?
A boocycle.

What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
I told you I was ill.

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw three ghosts following you?
Hope it is Halloween.

What would you get if you crossed a chicken and a ghost?
A peck-a-boo.

What would you get if you crossed a ghost and an owl?
Something that frightens people — but doesn't give a hoot.

What's a ghosts favorite Broadway play?
Phantom of the opera.

What's a ghosts favorite fruit?

What's a ghost's favorite ride?
A roller ghoster.

What's a ghoul's favorite game?

How can you tell if a corpse is angry?
It flips its lid.

How did the ghost patch his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch.

How did the ghost song and dance act make a living?
By appearing in television spooktaculars.

How did the glamorous ghoul earn her living?
She was a cover ghoul.

How do ghosts keep fit?
By regular exorcise.

How do ghosts learn songs?
They read the sheet music.

How do ghosts like their drinks?
Ice ghoul.

How do ghosts like their eggs cooked?

How do ghosts like to send their letters?
Scare mail or parcel ghost.

How do undertakers speak?

How do well-groomed ghosts keep their hair in place?
With scare spray.

How do you know if your being haunted by a parrot?
He keeps going "Ooo's a pretty boy then."

How do you know that you are talking to a undertaker?
By his grave manner.

This woman wanted to marry a ghost.
I don't know what possessed her.

What airline do ghouls fly on?
American Scareways.

What is a ghost's favorite kind of street?
A dead end.

What are little ghosts dressed in when it rains?
Boo-ts and ghoul-oshes.

What color are ghosts?

What country is haunted by ghosts?
No country, just a terror-tory.

What day of the week do ghosts look forward to?

What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you really believe in people?

What did one ghost say to the other when they fell down?
I got a booo booo.

What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
You look boo-tiful tonight.

What did the ghost bride throw to her bridesmaids?
Her boo-quet.

What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop?
Scream or sugar.

What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
Watch the board and I'll go through it again.

What did the guard at the haunted house say?
Halt! Who ghost there?

What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?

What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
Put your boos and shocks on.

What did the mother ghost say when the little ghosts got into the car?
Boo-kle up your sheet-belts.

What did the polite ghost say to her son?
Don't spook until you're spooken to.

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?

What do ghosts dance to?
Soul music.

What do ghosts do when they're in hospital?
They talk about their apparitions.

What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
Coffee with scream and sugar.

What do ghosts eat for breakfast?
Ghost Toasties with booberries, Scream of Wheat, or Dreaded Wheat.

What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Ghoulash or spook-ghetti.

What do ghosts have in the seats of their cars?
Sheet belts.

What do ghosts mail home while on vacation?

What do ghosts say when a girl footballer is sent off?
Ban-she Ban-she.

What do ghosts say when something is really neat?

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream.

What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do little ghosts like to play with instead of Frisbees?

What do short-sighted ghosts wear?

What do the ghosts of dead gingerbread men wear?
Cookie sheets.

What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.

What do you call a ghost who stays out all night?
A fresh air freak.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.

What do you call a ghost's mother and father?

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A toasty ghosty.

What do you call a prehistoric ghost?
A terror-dactyl.

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